Tuesday, May 28th, 2024

R Relationships by Dr. Bill Austin
When Your Security Blanket is in the Dryer



WHEN YOUR SECURITY BLANKET IS IN THE DRYER




Why is it so difficult for some of us to change? What makes change difficult is not knowing what life will be like if we leave our "old securities."

For many of us, change is like the "Peanuts" character, Linus, having his security blanket in the dryer. While there, he has nothing to hold onto.

What is our security blanket? It is not the same for everyone. For some of us, it is the "familiar." We may be upset when our partner changes the way she relates to us. The old triggers that used to get her to do what we wanted now don't work. We are unsure how to relate to her, and we may even question whether or not she loves us. In an effort to get back to our old way of relating to one another, we may even get angry or make threats.



When our security blanket is in the dryer,
it can be a time of self-discovery.
We find ourselves handling situations
we never dreamed we could handle.

Some of us try to make the changes for a healthier life but find it very difficult. The change brings up all our insecurities. So, instead of working harder to make it work, we return to the old life and settle for less.

When we choose to "play it safe" and not take the opportunities for a healthier and more fulfilling life, we do not feel as good about ourselves. Not taking the challenge because of fear is an indication that we do not believe in ourselves.

I dreaded the day one of my parents would die. How in the world would I get through that? Then, one day, during our family reunion, my father had a heart attack and died immediately. What a shock! No warning. I felt like an orphan. I began feeling a sense of insecurity because I did not realize how much a part of my security system my father played.

Even though he did not have to help me, I knew he was there for me. Now, he was gone, and I had to re-identify myself. Going through the loss was a difficult experience, but I discovered new strengths and resources. I emerged a different and stronger person because of the change that was forced upon me.

When our security blanket is in the dryer, it can be a time of self-discovery. We find ourselves handling situations we never dreamed we could handle. We find untapped inner resources we never knew we had. It becomes a time of stretching beyond our self-imposed limitations.

It is also a time of discovering what is really important and dropping some of the baggage that clutters our lives. It becomes a time to reach for dreams that we have put on hold. New doors open as old doors are closed.




Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.

Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700