Any resolutions I have made over the years that succeeded were not made on January first. I have been successful in early December or on any random day, just never on the day of resolutions. Itâ€™s time to give one a try.
I want to finish my book.
My close friends have known about an upcoming book since I started to collect notes and write down thoughts and discoveries daily. My book is a true story that evolved from a Valentineâ€™s Day Years ago through that yearâ€™s end. I became Nancy Drew, desperate to know what was real about my marriage and what was not.
Detective work was so very exciting and invigorating. Stressful, of course, but so necessary. After years of suspicions, most of which proved to be true, I had to have the total picture to keep my sanity.
Friends helped me â€“ following my husband, for instance, to his infatuationâ€™s parentsâ€™ home. I even hired a private eye who followed him to a hotel in Greenbrier, shot videos, took a room across from his, and collected the sheets the next morning. No stone was left unturned.
I realized I was fortunate to be able to afford a private eye, and I had my own business and vehicle. Not every woman in a distressed state has access that allows her to seek proof. And proof is essential. I can remember when I first realized that knowing the truth could someday save me from waking up a divorced woman who wonders, â€śWas I wrong, unfair to him? Did I bring this on myself?â€™
That was when I made up my mind to write the real story for other women â€“ or men â€“ who have wondered if they are imagining wrongdoing on the part of their spouse, whom they loved, but came to distrust. By telling the whole agonizing process, they can know they are not the only one, it is not so unusual, no matter how extraordinary the reality. We all need to be able to say, â€śI am not insane.â€ť And then get to the point where we can feel, â€śI am okay. I can make it.â€ť
Ironically, in the year before I began to write this book,
my husband said to me,
â€śYour fortune is in writing a book.â€ť
â€śI donâ€™t write fiction.â€ť
Iâ€™ve said more than once,
â€śWhen I finally told him to leave,
he left behind a fascinating story.â€ť
Some readers can just say, â€śWow, that was
exciting!â€ť Others can read while putting themselves in my shoes and come
to realize, â€śI can make it also!â€ť
in the year before I began to write this book, my husband said to me,
â€śYour fortune is in writing a book.â€ť I answered, â€śI donâ€™t write
fiction.â€ť Iâ€™ve said more than once, â€śWhen I finally told him to leave,
he left behind a fascinating story.â€ť
the few years following my divorce, I wrote religiously, with extensive
notes, photos, journals, even videos. I had such voluminous material, I
sometimes came across startling realizations, when putting time
sequences in order.
I have written and rewritten, finally having professional help these last two years from my editors, grabbing the opportunities when time permitted me to write. The parts are all here, ready for smooth transitions. One page at a time, throwing away two or three or more rewrites until there is one flowing story in a finished book.
To all those old and new friends, and even strangers, who have been reading my excerpts â€“ some on these printed pages and others online â€“ who have encouraged me, I thank you now. I will write with the intention of making the book a good read that encourages others to recognize self-deception and embrace the determination and sheer courage it takes to face the truth and move forward.
Jean Loxley-Barnard has been a writer all her life and studied both sociology and psychology at George Washington University where she earned a B.A. Her company, The Shopper, Inc., encompasses all the Loxley-Barnard family publications - The Shopper Magazines and Doctor to Doctor Magazine. She has been in the advertising, consulting and publishing business for 39 years.