None of us want to be taken for granted. After all, isn't being taken for granted the same as being taken advantage of? That seems to be the prevailing understanding of the phrase. But is it the only understanding?

My musings on the subject began months ago when I started going out for breakfast with my father several mornings each week. For years, Dad has been a morning regular at a particular Western Branch restaurant that offers breakfast at surprisingly low prices. Consequently, a community of devoted clientele shows up each morning. The comradery among them is very much like that on display in the classic sitcom "Cheers"—with eggs, bacon, and grits taking the place of cocktails, beer, and wine. When I first showed up with my dad on two consecutive days, I was introduced to others and made to feel welcomed. When I didn't show up on day three, several people asked my dad, "Where is your son?"

 I was initially taken aback by their inquiries. After only two mornings, why would they take it for granted that I would be there every day? Didn't they know I had a job? That I'm not retired yet?
After some self-reflection, I realized that my  reaction was tied to concerns over being taken for granted. None of us wants that. Or do we?

To take something "for granted" is to take it as "given." After only two days, Dad's breakfast friends took my presence as a given. I was welcomed into their little community, and I was already missed when I failed to show up on day three. Even now, if I don't show up with Dad regularly, someone will say to my dad, "I haven't seen your son in a few days. Is everything okay?"


To be honest, it's nice to be on the receiving end of such concern. It's comforting to realize we're not just moving through life, day after day, unseen; that others notice when we're not present because they take us for granted as part of their daily life.

In that sense, being "taken for granted" is tied to trust and is the glue that holds society together. Life is good when we can take for granted that others will be there for us in hard times, that they will be honest with us when straight talk is needed, that they have our best interests at heart. And we feel a sense of purpose and belonging in knowing that others take it for granted that they can come to us for help, that we have their backs, that we sincerely care.

In the end, feeling free to take the love of others as having been granted and granting love freely to them might be what we all want most from life.

Rob Lauer is an award-winning, nationally-produced and published playwright with over 35 years of experience in the entertainment industry. His national credits include production work for MGA Films, Time/Warner TV, The Learning Channel and The History Channel. Locally, Rob has been producing, directing and hosting three TV series for PCTV (the City of Portsmouth’s official channel) since 2011.