There was one thing I had to know for certain. I had to prove, not just know, that Rob was having yet another affair.

It was one thing to be certain in my gut feelings. It was one thing to have circumstantial evidence. It was quite another to have proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

I said this so often to Jo that she finally asked, "Have you ever considered hiring a PI?"

"A PI? You mean a private investigator? A private eye?" I must have sounded shocked because Jo laughed.

"Yes, a private investigator." Jo leaned toward me and whispered, "Why not?"

Jo had written a book on a well-known politician. With the help of a PI. It was an expose'. She had often spoken of him, and now told me more about him and his right-hand assistant, a lady detective. Jo knew that, if I knew more about them as people, I might consider hiring them.

"You don't have any obligation by just going in and talking to Lizzie," Jo prompted. "She is a nice woman, and very competent."

The idea excited and frightened me all at the same time. But what else could I do to get the proof I needed for myself, and maybe for court? I called and made an appointment for the next afternoon. At least I was taking action.

I felt like a woman with something to hide on the long drive out to hire the PI. It was something of a comfort to be going to someone who was known by a friend, not a completely unknown variable. A bit of a comfort zone for a very uncomfortable me.

I wondered how much it would cost to have a PI follow Rob? It couldn't cost more than it might cost me if I didn't have any proof of Rob's affair. Even more important than getting an edge for my divorce case was my need to have proof that my intuition, my gut feelings, were right. I knew I was right, but I could not prove it yet.

How do women with far fewer resources fare? Do they have to go through the rest of their lives wondering if they had been unfair to husbands they were convinced had cheated but had no proof? In the worst of their loneliness, would they wake in the night and think, This is all my fault?

I focused on how fortunate I was to have the option of hiring a PI. I would be able to know once and for all if Rob was cheating on me again. Once I had that proof, I would know it was a permanent condition.

The hope trap would end. Rob had always cheated on me. Rob would always cheat on me. There would be no more chances, no more believing in a fairytale relationship. Best of all, I would not have to wake in the night wondering if I had imagined wrong-doing. I would know for sure!