Have you ever had someone come up to you to share some hurtful conversation he heard about you, particularly at your job or perhaps in your church? You can tell that the person sharing this with you is getting a lot out of it. You respond, "Who said that?" The messenger acts as though he is honorable about keeping confidences and says, "I can't tell you." So, what are you to do with this information?

You cannot address the person making the statement. All you can do with this hurtful information is feel bad and continue working in the organization, wondering who is "bad-mouthing you." Of course, your motivation and commitment to the organization have been damaged.

One of the ways of handling this passive-aggressive person is to ask: "Why are you telling me this if I cannot do anything about it?" Sometimes, asking this question causes the gossiper to realize the damage he has done. Unfortunately, some people never get it. Many gossipers love to be seen as the source of juicy information, which somehow empowers them and gets them the attention they crave. Gossipers can say hurtful things to you and not feel responsible. Gossipers needs to be held responsible for the pain their gossip inflicts on others.

If someone is gossiping about another worker or friend, suggest that the gossiper speak with the person about whom he is gossiping. You know you cannot trust the gossiper because if he is sharing hurtful information about another person, nothing keeps him from gossiping about you. With this in mind, it would behoove you to never share any vulnerable or personal information with that person. You don't know how he will use it and how it will be shared.

Here are some suggestions for handling gossip:

Most gossip comes from factual errors or partial information without details. If you are the one being attacked, bring it out in the open and confront the attacker and the information. Anything beneath the surface has power, but when you bring it out into the light, you have power over it.

Do not join in the gossip. If someone shares it with you, make it clear that you do not want to participate. One way of saying you disapprove is changing the subject or asking the person to talk to the person being attacked.

Do not discuss gossip at work. A lot of people enjoy gossiping, so it is important for those in charge to make it clear that gossip can hurt morale and productivity, so people need to deal directly with each other.

If you are the target of gossip, don't try to get revenge by spreading gossip about the gossiper. He is better at it than you, and you are sinking to his level. Besides, revenge doesn't work. Take the higher road.