For a marriage or any relationship to be healthy and growing, forgiveness is not an option; it is essential. Without forgiveness, the relationship does not have much of a chance to grow or move beyond a damaging event.

When we choose to forgive, we are taking charge of our wounds and refusing to remain a victim. It is a concrete step of assuming responsibility for our healing. The act of forgiving becomes a statement of hope in the most painful of circumstances. By forgiving, we are lifted above the temptation of becoming embittered and cynical.

Forgiveness is the most loving thing we can do for ourselves; it is a way of taking care of ourselves.
Forgiveness is an act of Grace. Grace is a beautiful word because it brings unconditional love into the picture. It doesn't demand that we be perfect but allows us to have clay feet. As people with clay feet, we stumble, make mistakes, make wrong choices, fall short of commitments, and disappoint others and ourselves. Sometimes we do destructive things not because we are cruel but because we make bad choices due to our unmet needs, our wounds, and sometimes, our stupidity.
When we forgive with Grace, we are offering those who have injured us an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and change. Grace doesn't label others and freeze them to a wrongful act; Grace doesn't let the wrongs they do say everything about who they are. It doesn't give up on others even when they give up on themselves. It believes in others even when they do not believe in themselves.

Grace has been described as "in spite of" love. In spite of the destructive actions of others, Grace seeks healing and reconciliation. In short, Grace is larger than the wrong that has been inflicted. It is not controlled by destructive behavior but by what is most loving. Grace gives to others what they need instead of what they deserve.

Life is not always fair, and often, we are forced to deal with situations that are painful. Without our permission, undeserved pain, such as that caused by the destructive actions of others, invades our lives and brings changes we do not want. While it may be true that we may not have control over these invasive factors, the good news is that we do have control over how we deal with them and their impact on us. Forgiveness is one effective tool we have for taking charge of how such actions impact our lives. In this way, our wounds do not control us, nor do they determine how we feel and act.