A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him, causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire.
The man looked around, found a metal pole, and used it to take the snake out of the fire, saving its life.
A bystander who was watching approached the man and said, “That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”
The man replied: “The nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not going to change my nature, which is to help.”
Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, but learn to take precautions.
The story above reminds me of another story—one of my favorites, which has this same theme.
A man went with his friend, a Quaker, to buy a newspaper, and while his friend was buying the paper, the clerk behind the counter was extremely rude. Even though the clerk continued being obnoxious, the Quaker friend responded with kindness and politeness. This type of exchange went on during the entire business transaction. Afterward, the man said to his friend, “Why in the world did you put up with the cashier’s ugliness? You should have told her off.”
The Quaker friend replied, “Don’t I know myself well enough not to be controlled by the bad actions of others?”
This story presents us with a challenging question: How often do we let others determine who we are and what we do? Are we like chameleons who change according to how we are treated? If other people are kind to us, we are kind. If they are angry, we are angry.
We know we are reacting and giving power to others when we find ourselves excusing our bad behavior by saying, “You were rude to me first,” or “I am angry because when I came home, you seemed angry.”
How often do we let others
determine who we are and what we do?
Are we like chameleons
who change according to how we are treated?
determine who we are and what we do?
Are we like chameleons
who change according to how we are treated?
After we have hurt another person, some of us will blame the injured party for our violent or hurtful actions by saying, “See what you made me do? I would not have done this if you were different.” We may even feel justified because we believe the other person’s behavior towards us warrants our getting revenge or getting even. It is amazing how we justify our bad behavior. We transform ourselves from being the predator to the victim. Then we feel justified in mistreating others because we are getting even.
We want to do what the Quaker did. No matter how we are treated, we must be true to ourselves. We may confront someone who is not treating us well, but we remain true to ourselves.
Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.
Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700