We don’t always recognize or give trophies to those who excel. For example, in football, we recognize and award the running back who made the touchdown. But what about the lineman who opens up a hole for the running back to score? This is true not only in sports but in other areas of life, such as in the music industry, the business community, and the educational world. We forget a single player does not win the game alone. One musical artist does not create a hit record by herself. Accomplishments are usually the result of collaborating with others.

One of Karen’s college friends sent her a book co-written by her brother: “How Am I Treating You? Living with Civility and Dignity” by Ron Schmidt and John Lentz. I was inspired by his suggestion that we give trophies or awards to children for their particular personality traits or strengths.

This week I saw that idea embraced by a soccer team. When it came to awarding trophies, instead of giving everyone an award just for showing up, they gave each child a trophy for an individual personality trait. For instance, my two grandchildren received trophies recognizing their unique strengths in playing soccer. My grandson, Toddy,  got the trophy for being “the most assertive; for taking the initiative for your team, as well as for excellent team play and awesome forward.” My granddaughter, Sarah,  received a trophy “for being flexible and adaptable.” Every player received a trophy for how he or she related to the other players and the game.

My wife reminded me that she, as well as many other teachers, used the same idea: they recognized each student for some outstanding personality trait. The awards included “Most Helpful,” “Most Creative,” “Best Explorer,” and “Most Congenial”—to name but a few. Such recognitions inspire children, and they can inspire adults as well.


Let’s apply this idea of trophies honoring personality traits to ourselves. How about making it a weekly or monthly ritual at the dinner table with our families? Our trophies do not have to recognize just one thing about us. We could go around the dinner table and say, for example, “John, you get the trophy for caring because we saw how you cared for your friend who was hurting.” Then, moving around the table to the next person, we could recognize how they showed some outstanding personality in something they have done.

When people were asked what traits they would like to be recognized for, their answers included such things as being compassionate, encouraging, kind, supportive, caring, forgiving, and positive. Which traits would you add to this list? And which one would you like for yourself? If you are having problems answering this question, ask your friends and family what traits they would like you to possess.