This behavior describes the aggressive communicator who uses a sledge hammer when things do not go his way, such as when the waiter gets his order wrong, or not serving him quickly enough, or having to wait in a long line at the grocery store, or things are not done around the home the way he thinks they should. He takes mistakes personally, as though they were done with the intention of upsetting him.
While is it important to stand up for ourselves, the problem is in how our requests to have our needs met are made. The aggressive communicator may express himself at the expense of other people, by using sarcasm, threats, negative labels, profanity, intimidation, humiliation, and â€śyou-messagesâ€ť with absolutes. He attacks the person to get what he wants by â€śverbally jumping on someone with both feetâ€ť rather than addressing the behavior that is causing the problem.
may express himself
at the expense of other people.
Perhaps we use aggressive communication because we believe we are being treated unfairly by being left out, or because we feel powerless. The intensity of our anger is in direct proportion to how malicious and intentional we interpret the incident to be.
I recently experienced this when I was waiting to have a blood test. The nurse called out a name and suddenly an angry lady stood up and loudly complained that she was next. The nurse calmly and politely told her that she is calling patients according to appointment times. In no uncertain terms, the angry woman told the nurse that she was lying. Finally, she sat down and continued to complain to her husband so everyone could hear her. She felt she was being treated unfairly by being intentionally left out. If she had gone directly to the nurse, quietly, she would have discovered that they were trying to treat each patient fairly. Ironically, her name was called next!
Next month we will present a good relationship tool: being assertive.
Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.
Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700
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