to our partner
does not make us needy.
The problem is the bucket has a hole in it so nothing lasts. When we feel empty and our bucket seems empty, we may hand the bucket to our partner and insist that he or she is responsible for filling the bucket. We soon find that does not work either. This is a good example of being needy. No matter what we do or others do, it is never enough. Somehow we have to fill in the holes that are in our buckets and realize that we are the only ones that can make ourselves happy or fulfilled. It is our job, and no one else's.
The next question is, â€śSo what are the needs that we need to fill?â€ť While there are several needs, Dr. William Glasser suggests that there are some basic ones. 1) The need to belong â€“ this is one of our strongest needs. We have a need to love and be loved, to belong and have friends. This need is said to be as strong as the need to survive. 2) The need for power â€“ this is about a sense of self-worth that comes from accomplishments and recognition. It is about having control of our lives and the power to make choices. 3) The need for freedom â€“ we can make our own choices and we are free from the control of others. 4) The need for fun â€“ having fun is about being happy. When we are having fun, we feel safe in the relationship and can relax.
To present our needs to our partner does not make us needy. When we share our needs, it helps our partner learn how to love us better.
Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.
Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700
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