This last March was momentous due to the passing of two men—one whom we had known for decades and one we had never met.

Cliff Ireland was my daughter's first husband. A three-year marriage produced a beautiful little girl who became the center of Cliff's life and inspired her parents, although divorced, to become good friends. My granddaughter Heather's father, who was close to my age, had already become my friend. After serving in the military, Cliff had his own successful business before deciding he wanted to teach. He sold his business and then earned a master's degree while working as our Sales Manager at The Shopper.

After moving back to his home state of North Carolina, Cliff made a name for himself in the years following as a professor who volunteered in many worthy charitable events, earning many awards and commendations.

Cliff, who was older than our daughter, had lived a full life (though not long enough, for his daughter in particular) when he passed. His family all lived south of Raleigh. The two families, joined through Heather Ireland, remain friendly, as always.

The man we had never met was the son of Steve and Kym Bach, two of our dearest friends. Taylor Bach was just 33 when he passed from cancer, less than a year after diagnosis.

The juxtaposition of these two funerals in the same week impacted us. One was the grief of parents losing a beloved adult child. The other was the grief of an adult child for an aging father, whose mind was sound but whose body gave out. Cliff memorized the name of every person who entered his room, called in, or he could call, during his last two weeks and thanked each by name for their help: doctors, visitors, janitors, friends, relatives—whether in person or over the phone! Heather and Natalie stayed by his bedside day and night as long as possible.

Both events shone a light on blended families that shared both joy and grief.
What helped me see each event as blended was an event early in the month.

My husband, Terry, celebrated a landmark birthday, having said, "I don't want any fuss or gifts. We'll just celebrate together and have a happy day."  

I said, "Okay."  And I honored his wishes—especially after I had given Terry a huge surprise birthday party a decade earlier, on the half year—a BIG surprise. "We opened the door at a restaurant filled with family and friends shouting "Happy Birthday." Terry stopped short and said,

"But it's not my birthday!"  That birthday topped every other except this year's.  

Unbeknown to either of us, Natalie had planned a real surprise for this March.
When I married Terry, he had three sons. I had one daughter and one son. After many years, the three Barnard sons had finally become as accustomed to having a sister as her natural brother was! When Natalie suggested a surprise party for Terry, it took shape immediately.

It was a Saturday in March when his oldest son had arranged to stop by to chat to celebrate his Dad's birthday. We thought nothing more of it than how thoughtful he was. But after a half-hour chat, we heard the back door open and familiar voices sounding excited.  

In came all but one son (who lives in Fredericksburg), our daughter,  grandchild, great-grandchild, husbands and daughters-in-law, and the Barnard boys' mother and stepfather, Sandy and Andy Paradelas—two of our dearest friends. Everyone carrying the surprise dinner got right to work in the kitchen!  

It was a wonderful time, with everyone happy to see everyone else.

There was the sound of laughter and comradery throughout those wonderful hours, with everyone enjoying the time with every family member except for the one who lives far away and another grandson who was sick. It was the sound of happiness that was so special—the best birthday present ever!

I have had time to reflect on that day. In juxtaposition with the funerals, it was a reminder of how precious family is and how sad it is to deal with losing any one of them, regardless of their age.
The extra joy of watching our birth children blending right in with our acquired children was wonderful. Real joy can't be faked, and that was what we witnessed.  


Blended families can be truly one big family. The best birthday gift anyone can give or have.