It is easier to tell ourselves what we wish were true rather than face uncomfortable facts. In the long run, however, it is less painful to live in reality. Getting from denial to awareness is the problem.
When we refuse to see what is, we choose a painful future, even if pretense temporarily softens the present. We can see others clearly, so why is it so hard to see ourselves with the same clarity?
I've been working on self-improvement so I know it is difficult. My goal is to understand myself and what I do to make my life - and the lives of those around me - better or worse.
Am I realistic about who I am? Do I know how others see me? Do I clearly understand my weaknesses as well as my strengths?
Assessing our own strengths is much easier than taking a realistic look at our weaknesses. It is, however, easy to overestimate how great our strengths are and diminish how prominent our weaknesses may be. It may be human nature but it is not wise.
The first thing I did was recognize that I have both strengths and weaknesses. Next, I embraced what I know to be my strengths. That was the easy and happy part - and necessary. We all need somewhere to stand while we are examining our weaknesses. No need to let them depress us just as we embark on identifying to improve.
When looking for weaknesses, the bad news is also the good news: weaknesses are easy to find. Not easy to accept, but easy to find. When we have at least one completely honest and direct loved one, we have the path to getting knowledge about ourselves.
I am very fortunate to have four people to turn to for honest, direct, and loving input. When asked, my sister, my daughter, my best friend, and my right hand at work (who has become another daughter over shared decades) all fit the bill. When asked, they are willing to help me identify my lesser self.
Their gift to me of observation and reflection is invaluable. My gift to myself is being willing to listen and absorb. Once understood and accepted, strength can follow.
We never know how high we are Till we are asked to rise. And then if we are true to form Our statures touch the skies. The heroism we recite Would be a normal thing
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We never know how high we are
Till we are asked to rise.
And then if we are true to form
Our statures touch the skies.
The heroism we recite
Would be a normal thing
Did not ourselves the Cubits warp
For fear to be a King
-Emily Dickinson
Jean Loxley-Barnard has been a writer all her life and studied both sociology and psychology at George Washington University where she earned a B.A. Her company, The Shopper, Inc., encompasses all the Loxley-Barnard family publications - The Shopper Magazines and Doctor to Doctor Magazine. She has been in the advertising, consulting and publishing business for 39 years.