I often remember my mother's poignant commentary on aging. 'I still feel 18 inside,' she told me with conviction, 'and then I look in the mirror and see this old woman.' Ever since, I have contemplated the truth of her insight. How we view ourselves doesn't always match up with worldview. That's a good thing, really.
Take the fact that grandmothers, and I am one, are often still someone's kid.
No matter how many years we tuck away, no matter how successful or wise some become, is there anything more comforting than knowing that our mother still sees us as her kid? Or being able to see ourselves as her kid?
My Mum has been living in a wonderful nursing home in New England since she broke her hip in September. She is quite dependent on the staff, although hoping she will be able to return to assisted living. She doesn't always know she is 86 and is surprised by the number when she asks for it. There are some things she knows, some things she is. She is a mother, my mother, Ann's mother.
The comfort of having
someone love me that much sweeps over me.
Disappointed that she cannot make the trip to her grandson's wedding in Chapel Hill this month, she was comforted when I assured her I'd make a movie of this wedding, just as I'd done in November when another grandson got married in Washington, D.C. 'I'll bring it to you soon after the wedding,' I said.
'Don't try to come here too soon, Honey,' Mum answered, 'I don't want you trying to do too much and getting over-tired.' It is a simple statement. It is a mother's statement. No matter how much she wants to view the wedding footage, no matter how much she looks forward to seeing me, her first thought is about my well-being. It has always been so. The comfort of having someone love me that much sweeps over me.
'Are we there yet?'
The truth is, there are legions of mothers who put the well-being of their kids first and always have. Some are paragons of virtue and did almost everything right. Some are probably quite flawed and misstepped too often. What those mothers have in common, I believe, is the desire to do right by their kids. When kids know that, they can be alright.
Happy Mother's Day, Mum. And by the way, 'Are we there yet, are we there yet?'
Jean Loxley-Barnard has been a writer all her life and studied both sociology and psychology at George Washington University where she earned a B.A. Her company, The Shopper, Inc., encompasses all the Loxley-Barnard family publications - The Shopper Magazines and Doctor to Doctor Magazine. She has been in the advertising, consulting and publishing business for 39 years.