Most of us have a tendency to look outward to identify who did this and caused that. All too rarely do we wonder what role we ourselves played in any given situation. If we want to be completely objective, however, we must take one fact into consideration - we were there.
If we recogize that the one consistent thing in whatever happens to us is that we were there, we can begin to develop insight. It is easy enough for us to take credit for everything good that happens, but how often do we admit, even to ourselves, that our own behaviors, attitudes and opinions have played a significant role in everything that happens to us.
What grades we get in school are usually due to our brains, study habits and attitudes. We certainly agree with that statement when we make the honor role. But who causes consistent bad grades? If our answer is poor teachers, we could take another look.
Popular people usually feel quite positive about themselves and they usually have good reason. If their lives have been full of friends, chances are they are considerate and interesting. It's an easy assumption to make.
Any situation that repeats itself throughout our lives suggests we own it.
On the other hand, when someone has few friends over the years, it probably is not everyone else's fault. Any situation that repeats itself throughout our lives suggests we own it.
How many good teachers have we had? Are our bosses all dimwits? Are we happy on rainy days? Is everyone rude to us? Are we stuck in a deadend job?
When we listen to others it is easy to realize they are the common denominator in their lives. Why then is it all too often a mystery when difficult situations seem to follow us throughout life?
I remember being told early in life that when someone asks if they will like the area they just moved into, just ask them if they liked their last area. If they say they did, tell them they will like this one also. While a simplistic formula, it probably works most of the time. We all carry our sense of well being - or lack of it - with us.
We are the only common denominator in our own lives.
Jean Loxley-Barnard has been a writer all her life and studied both sociology and psychology at George Washington University where she earned a B.A. Her company, The Shopper, Inc., encompasses all the Loxley-Barnard family publications - The Shopper Magazines and Doctor to Doctor Magazine. She has been in the advertising, consulting and publishing business for 38 years.
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