Growing up in Tennessee, I heard my share of far-fetched fishing and
hunting stories. One of my favorites was about two colorful characters,
Clyde and Rufus. Both men would argue about who had the best hunting
dog. One day, Clyde invited Rufus to go duck hunting, announcing that he
had a new hunting dog and wanted to try him out.
As they sat in their boat with the new dog, a flock
of ducks flew over. Rufus shot a duck that fell into the water about
100 yards away. Rufus offered to steer the boat over to the fallen duck,
but Clyde said, "No! My dog will get the duck." The dog sprang from the
boat, ran on top of the water, picked up the duck, and ran back to the
boat on top of the water.
Clyde
looked to see if Rufus was impressed with the dog. Rufus appeared
unimpressed. Another duck was shot and retrieved in the same way. After
several times of the dog fetching ducks and walking on water, Clyde
couldn't stand it any longer. "Rufus, haven't you noticed anything
different about my dog?" he asked.
We all know people who brag
about never complimenting others
as if not doing so is a virtue.
Others resist giving praise because
they see it as a tool of manipulation.
about never complimenting others
as if not doing so is a virtue.
Others resist giving praise because
they see it as a tool of manipulation.
"Yeah," Rufus replied. "Your dog can't swim."
Some
people are like Rufus. They'd never acknowledge our accomplishments or
gifts even if we walked on water. These people often make statements
such as, "You should know that I appreciate what you do. You know I love
you; I should not have to tell you." We all know people who brag about
never complimenting others, as if not doing so is a virtue. Others
resist giving praise because they see it as a tool of manipulation.
But
in many of our relationships, there is a danger of taking others for
granted. We assume that others know we appreciate what they do for us.
The truth is that it is crucial to acknowledge what others do for us. We
all want to know that what we do is of value to the other person. So it
would be good to think of praise as acknowledging, valuing,
encouraging, and showing gratitude.
When
our boys were growing up, Karen and I wanted dinner time to be
pleasurable. One of our after-dinner activities was to have one person
in the family be the guest of honor. Then the rest of us took turns
saying one or two things we appreciated about something the guest had
done.
We shouldn't have to walk on water just to be acknowledged.
We shouldn't have to walk on water just to be acknowledged.
Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.
Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700
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