We are continuing with the series on what we fear by looking at the mnemonic: F.E.A.R. Last month we examined the first letter, 'F,' that stood for our fear of failure. This month our focus will be on 'E': our fear of embarrassment.

Embarrassment is a feeling of increased self-consciousness, closely linked to shame.

It is a fear, real or perceived, of what others may be thinking about us and how others may judge us negatively for what we have done or not done, or what we have been led to believe we have done or not done.
In the late 1980s, a national survey discovered that the number one fear of most people was public speaking. What was interesting was that the fear of speaking in front of others was greater than the fear of death! The reason for such a fear is that people are afraid of humiliating or embarrassing themselves.

Probably most of us have had our embarrassing moments and there are activities we avoid in order not to embarrass ourselves. Besides public speaking, many of us are reluctant to speak up and offer our opinion in a new group. We do not want to say something stupid, so we sit silently trying to think of something 'intelligent' to say. By the time we think of something that should impress the group, the discussion has moved to another subject! We need to remember that longer we take to say something in the group, the more difficult it is.

Being vice president of the student body in college, I frequently spoke before it. I dreaded it. Before going to the platform, I would get the dry heaves so badly that by the time I addressed my fellow students, my eyes and nose were runny, my stomach was churning and my throat was dry. I was afraid of saying something stupid and looking like a fool in front of others. I did not want to give them something to criticize.

Then it happened. During one of the student convocations, I stood up before the student body to announce a play our drama department was presenting. The play was Porgy and Bess. I announced to my embarrassment, 'Porky and Bess.' The response was a roar of laughter. Of course, I did not want to be the laughing stock for others.

Amazingly, instead of being a devastating event for me, it became a learning experience. That day I learned a valuable lesson that has remained with me ever since. The lesson for me was 'Don't take yourself so seriously: lighten up.' It is not a life and death matter. I made a mistake and it was funny! When we make mistakes, being able to laugh at ourselves is a healthy thing.

Dr. William E. Austin is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree. He is a therapist with Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services . He is well known for his warmth and sense of humor. His book, Creating Our Safe Place - Articles on Healthy Relationships, can be purchased through www.amazon.com.

Tidewater Pastoral Counseling: 623-2700